No gnews is good gnews ...

Just checking in since we've been passing an awful lot of days without posting. Things are still progressing, and we've gotten to the point where we feel a little more comfortable doing some preparations. Other things remain hard --

I hate telling people I'm pregnant. We're to the point now where it's obvious in person, but there are still people I haven't written or called to tell. It's a little worrisome; we've already had some people we know in town get porky with us because they didn't know earlier. I realize it sends a clear signal if you actually give birth to a child and don't tell your purported friends, but I still wish we could wait until we have an real live THB before making any big announcements.

That said, everything is looking blissfully normal. I'm getting kicked reliably often enough (and the OB's doppler has demonstrated more than once that I don't feel it every time it happens). I'm a couple pounds ahead of the curve on weight, but laying off the cheese ravs will help keep that in check. They want a repeat of the 3-hour glucose test next week, which is gross but manageable even if I fail. Prenatal swim has been going well and keeps the only problem I've had -- leg/groin stiffness that makes walking and sitting painful and difficult -- at bay (at least as long as I stay in the water). And I have learned that I would rather give myself a shot in the stomach than pee in a cup.

25 weeks down. I am reminding myself not to wish the summer away.

Sorry for the long silence. There isn't really a lot to say, other than we are still hanging in there. Our next ultrasound is two weeks away, which is a freaky thought... just two weeks ago we were averaging better than one a week.

More Good News

Today's ultrasound went well: strong heartbeat and appropriate growth. The doctor and JF said they could see limbs, though I couldn't really make them out. He also poked around a bit and found the cause of the spotting which has been driving us past our wits' end. The bad news is that it doesn't sound like it is likely to stop; the good news is that it doesn't seem to be a major problem, either.

After killing twenty minutes at the comic book store, we then had our first meeting with a nurse from the ob/gyn's office. She was very nice and reassuring in her manner, though she seemed distressingly unprepared to figure out how to make an IVF pregnancy fit into their computer system. She also was much more conservative than our RE on the subject of what JF is allowed to do activity-wise. (Sigh.)

I feel like my mood has shifted very noticeably in the last 24 hours or so. I think I may be ready for the return of hope and optimism.

Good News Continued

Ultrasound today also went well. 9 mm, strong heartbeat. We were told that we didn't have to continue either hormone any further, and to schedule an appointment with JF's regular ob/gyn, which she just did.

Will try to make a longer post soon. I'd like to talk about the caution we both still feel; after all the setbacks we've had, it's hard to internalize the fact that things are going well. (Knock on wood.) But I'm having trouble finding words, and I need to get some work done, too, so it will have to wait for now.

Good News

The beta today was 741. That's a 56-hour doubling period (three days since 306), and to quote the nurse, "Things couldn't look more perfect or normal than they do."

I'd say I told you so, but honestly, I've spent the afternoon quaking in my socks at the thought of taking this phone call.

So our next scheduled test is the ultrasound on the 15th.

The Transfer (The Good Parts Version)

As promised, let me go into a bit more detail on why Monday was so great. Back in March, the doctor told us that between the miscarriages and not producing very many follicles on the first round of injectables, we might be looking "reduced ovarian response" (probably not exactly the right medical term). If that were the case, we would be facing the likely possibility that none of JF's eggs were any good, and donor eggs would be the only viable option. The next round of injectables, at double the dose, went much better, but the doctor left us both with the impression that there was still serious doubt to the quality of those eggs. So I, at least, spent the last nine months thinking there was a good chance that we were going to eventually start IVF, spend the first round learning that it was hopeless, and then move on to donor eggs. The doctor did tell us this month that he no longer considered this a likely diagnosis, but that wasn't enough to clear the idea out of my mind.

So I spent the weekend trying to enjoy the early Christmas with my family, while inside I was bracing myself for disastrous news, either in a phone call or at our appointment on Monday. I'm pretty sure JF felt the same way -- she said she had nightmares that only one embryo made it far enough along to transfer. I found myself thinking that wouldn't be so bad, at least in her dream there was one that worked! But I didn't want to say anything that would get her down.

So Monday morning we said goodbye to my family, and I drove us to the fancy IVF center with dread in my heart. (Example imagined bad scenario -- there is nobody else there when we get there, because we missed the message saying none of the embryos made it, and it being Christmas Eve they just stayed home.) Because it was a fairly long drive, in winter, we left early, and arrived at the center 30 minutes early. Moments after we got there we were ushered back by a nurse, and that's when I knew we were really in trouble -- surely it could only mean they wanted to give us the bad news quickly.

Only then she took us to a gurney, and gave us hospital gowns, and suddenly there was a ray of hope -- I figured it was unlikely they'd give us gowns to sit down and give us bad news. Then she casually told us that seven embryos had been cleared as normal by the PGD testing, and the doctor would soon be checking over to pick the best ones to transfer. That's when it finally got through to me that this might work out. I felt comfortable enough to joke that this was probably the only time children of ours would be considered normal. I think JF expressed a worry that maybe the doctor might still find a problem with all the embryos, but in my mind the situation had shifted from inevitable trouble to strong hope.

Finally the doctor showed up, and gave us the news. Of the seven, two were still a bit behind, and two were absolutely prime for transferring. (I think this means the other three were merely average.) The question of gender came up, and I momentarily panicked, because this was something we hadn't really thought of ahead of time. But luckily the situation was ideal -- the best two were one of each. The other five would be evaluated the next day (ie yesterday) to determine if any were suitable for freezing.

Exciting as that was, the big news was that the possibility of problems with eggs or sperm is off the table. It now looks like the issues have been hormones and timing -- things IVF is already designed to work around. All the pills and the shots every morning may be a pain in the arse, but they're a lot easier to put up with when it looks like they have a good chance of making everything work.

So there you have it -- easily the best news all year for us. It doesn't mean that this cycle is necessarily going to work. But it does mean there is a good chance it will, and plenty of reasons to be optimistic that things will work out eventually.

Which is pretty much the best Christmas present ever.