Monday, January 28, 2008

Good News Continued

Ultrasound today also went well. 9 mm, strong heartbeat. We were told that we didn't have to continue either hormone any further, and to schedule an appointment with JF's regular ob/gyn, which she just did.

Will try to make a longer post soon. I'd like to talk about the caution we both still feel; after all the setbacks we've had, it's hard to internalize the fact that things are going well. (Knock on wood.) But I'm having trouble finding words, and I need to get some work done, too, so it will have to wait for now.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Good News

We have a heartbeat.

I cannot begin to say what a relief this is -- we've both been worried sick the last three days (see JF's previous post).

I'm afraid I'm finding it hard to be coherent enough to post, so I'll leave it at that.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

TMI all over the place

We went shopping yesterday and as we were getting ready to leave the store, I went to the ladies' room and saw the thing I've been dreading for weeks -- bright red blood.

-- The quantity seems to be decreasing and the color fading to more brown
-- Our doctor said maybe to expect some spotting through week 10 because my ovaries are still huge and abused
-- I have had no cramps

-- Definitely red, not pink
-- A couple small clots
-- Initial quantity was scary

We still have the ultrasound scheduled for Monday morning. I don't see much point in calling them earlier, on a weekend, because if it's a miscarriage I'm pretty sure there's nothing they can do.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Ultrasound done, now waiting for next ultrasound

2.7 mm, no heartbeat yet. We are scheduled for another ultrasound next Monday. My impression is that everything seems to be normal so far.

I know we were both hoping for an early heartbeat today. We got this far before, and everything fell apart in the week that followed. And now we've got to wait the next six days knowing what happened then.

Is it possible to be optimistic and still gut-wrenchingly anxious?

Monday, January 14, 2008

Lying low

Sorry for the radio silence this past week. SF and I are just trying to get through all of the days until we find out whether this pregnancy is viable. Or at least the ones until the next milestone -- the heartbeat. We've got an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow morning, 5w6d. I know it's still early to see a heartbeat, but I'm hoping.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Good News

The beta today was 741. That's a 56-hour doubling period (three days since 306), and to quote the nurse, "Things couldn't look more perfect or normal than they do."

I'd say I told you so, but honestly, I've spent the afternoon quaking in my socks at the thought of taking this phone call.

So our next scheduled test is the ultrasound on the 15th.

Sunday, January 6, 2008


I've been vacillating all weekend between "que sera, sera" and "Please let this cycle work ... I can't do it again." There seem to be tons of examples around the web of people who had one less-than-ideal doubling rate and then went on to have healthy pregnancies. There are also tons of examples of people who went on to miscarry. This time tomorrow, we'll at least have another number to add into the mix.

The trouble is, I seem to have used up all of my resilience. At each step in this IVF cycle, things have gone basically well. Not just basically -- better than we'd hoped. But as soon as something doesn't go perfectly, I'm lost. Paralyzed with fear. Every time in the past, the first less-than-perfect milestone has been a marker for eventual failure.

The web says doubling within 48-72 hours is acceptable, but there seems to be a clear message (emphasized by my RE's nurse) that they really want to see doubling within 48 hours.

SF is a paragon of strength here. He believes if not this time, then surely the next. I'm just hoping to be able to rely on his strength over the next day or so, fearing that I may need to save my own for later.

Friday, January 4, 2008

It's still all about the waiting


The nurse called. The beta rose from 181 to 306 in just about exactly 48 hours. That gives us a doubling time of about 62 hours, far short of the 48-hour ideal.

We are to return on Monday for another test.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Actually ...

... I am fully planning on a second blood test on Friday. Because why get stuck once when you can do it twice? Seriously, though, I think a doubling beta might ease some lingering fears. Temporarily, anyway.

Thirteen More Days of Shots Scheduled

Which is to say, good news today! The blood test came back positive. In fact, it came back high enough (180-something) that they didn't feel we needed to have a second blood test on Friday. Instead the next test is an ultrasound scheduled for 13 days from now.

We've gotten this far before and failed, so we know we're not out of the water yet. But tonight the F household is very happy.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

One more day ... or three ...

Beta is tomorrow. I am finding it well-nigh impossible to focus on anything else. Except maybe napping ... I've been exhausted all week. Progesterone? Most likely ...

Are 14 and 15 still around?

I have no idea.

SF just asked, "Is that blog post about how your cruel husband won't buy you a pregnancy test?"

This is the first time I haven't taken one ahead of the beta. I have to admit, after three hpt positives leading to no babies, he does have a point about their limited usefulness. They can't change the eventual outcome.

But I still kind of want one.