Resilience

I've been vacillating all weekend between "que sera, sera" and "Please let this cycle work ... I can't do it again." There seem to be tons of examples around the web of people who had one less-than-ideal doubling rate and then went on to have healthy pregnancies. There are also tons of examples of people who went on to miscarry. This time tomorrow, we'll at least have another number to add into the mix.

The trouble is, I seem to have used up all of my resilience. At each step in this IVF cycle, things have gone basically well. Not just basically -- better than we'd hoped. But as soon as something doesn't go perfectly, I'm lost. Paralyzed with fear. Every time in the past, the first less-than-perfect milestone has been a marker for eventual failure.

The web says doubling within 48-72 hours is acceptable, but there seems to be a clear message (emphasized by my RE's nurse) that they really want to see doubling within 48 hours.

SF is a paragon of strength here. He believes if not this time, then surely the next. I'm just hoping to be able to rely on his strength over the next day or so, fearing that I may need to save my own for later.