Sunday, June 29, 2008

1. I am fascinated by my belly button, or lack thereof.

2. I passed my second 3-hour glucose test.

3. Our therapist asked whether we are able to imagine what it will be like to have a baby. I wasn't sure. I can imagine a baby being here, but not well. In my imaginings, though, the baby is never doing anything. It's like there is a massive gap where the child's personality should/will be. SF reassures me that imagining inaccurately is still imagining, but it's a strange feeling. It's much easier to think about things -- a stroller ... with a baby in it. A crib ... with a baby in it. But always a generic, inanimate baby. I'm afraid to think about my eyes, SF's nose, hair color, temperament, whatever mixture of our personalities we might see reflected in a child. In some ways, it's maybe not surprising. This time last year, those were things I was preparing to say goodbye to as we discussed with increasing gravity the possibility of using donor eggs.

4. I seem to have passed from a phase of not being able to sleep into a phase of sleeping and sleeping and waking up still tired. This probably has less to do with pregnancy than with work -- I'm currently doing half of my on-leave boss's job, as well as my own, during the busiest time of our year, in 24 hours per week. Am I looking forward to my own leave? Naaah ;) (Note: much easier to imagine not going to work than having a baby. I have, in fact, not gone to work before. Babies are still uncharted territory.)

5. We have a meeting in a week with a nurse to discuss things like labor and birth and circumcision and pain relief preferences. It feels like too many things to find out about between now and then. This past appointment, though, was the first time we have seen our actual OB/GYN and left feeling reassured and not dismissed. I recounted some of the (scary scary) stories people have told me about hospital births, and she talked a little about why some things are the way they are, and how they try to avoid unnecessary c-sections, and how patients in our town tend to want more discussion about choices than patients in her previous practice did. We are still planning to look into engaging a doula, but I feel a little better after having talked to the doctor.

6. We survived the family reunion with 7 kids under age 5, including 3 under 6 months, with only one off-stage meltdown (on my part, set off by food). Small victories.


Elizabeth said...

By the numbers:

1. Belly button thing is just weird. No other word.


3. There is no freakin' way to imagine what it is going to be like. There are no words... it is the hardest, fastest adjustment you will (hopefully) ever have to make. I recommend the book "Baby Shock"-- where she compares having a kid to culture shock-- but it really pales in comparison.

4. Sleep while you can. Pay attention to how much sleep you/SF need, and what times it is easier/harder for you not to sleep. This will be valuable info later on.

5. Labor and birth-- you can educate yourself about it, but it is going to happen however it happens. From the moment you walk in the hospital, the decisions are pretty much taken out of your hands. Circumcision-- why? He can always do it later if he wants, but he can't undo it, ya' dig? Pain relief? Yes please. The more, the better. Seriously, don't be a hero-- an exhausted, pained mother is not much use to a baby. I know lots of people who loved their doula, but if I had to choose, I'd choose a post-partum one rather than a delivery one. The delivery is one day (hopefully) the recovery period is much longer... get help then. I think we do moms a real disservice by focusing so much on L/D and not on what it is like when you get home.

5. Yea!


Michell said...

I'm kind of laughing at the belly button thing. That would be strange. Yay for passing the glucose test.